Freedom at 30

“Be who you is, because if you ain’t who you is, then you is who you ain’t.”

Since I turned 30 a few months ago, I've felt this sense of freedom in my life to just be me. My friend Jen Hambrick wrote an awesome blog that says EXACTLY what I am feeling. Go here to read it. Freedom from the kingdom of "they." I love it.

I used to dwell so much on friendship issues. Friendships that felt more like a competition than actual friendship. Friendships where I felt like my accomplishments and joyful occasions were not met with genuine support and celebration.

Sometime last year, I wrote a blog on acceptance and how I was just starting to feel so darn comfortable being me. And one of my New Year's resolutions this year was to surround myself with people who build me up.

With all of this, I have started to realize the importance of surrounding myself with people who also have "freedom from the kingdom of 'they'". These people are strong and confident in themselves and are not competitive in their friendships. Strong people are able to build others up even if it means admitting that they, themselves, are not as good in a particular area. People who feel good about themselves want to make others feel good and don’t need to knock the joy out of someone.

I know these things because I did not have freedom from the kingdom of "they" as a teen or in most of my 20s(possibly even more so in my 20s).

For example, to help make this a little more real: I was a girl in my 20s who would not like or comment on a post on a friend's Facebook if it was something that I felt was better than me. It was as if me showing approval of something that I wasn't capable of showed that I was inferior somehow. Now I know that sounds super catty and ridiculous but it's just the honest truth. How many of you have done something similar? Made judgments about people just because you felt inadequate?

Then, things started changing. I started feeling acceptance (as mentioned above with the blog I wrote about acceptance) of myself and others. I started realizing that I had grown to really know myself and just because I have inadequacies in certain areas of my life doesn't mean I can't celebrate other's successes. My strengths are mine. My inadequacies are mine. They should both be embraced. I found myself genuinely not feeling judgmental toward others. My first response now to my friend's strengths and celebrations is "Wow! You rock!" and I don't feel the need to try to make myself like that person. If you are truly a friend to someone, you will celebrate in their times of joy without judgment, no matter what. Don't make excuses or get defensive as to why they have something good going for them. "The only reason he/she is able to do that is because...." That is their joy (really, that is God's joy that has been given to them) you are stealing when you do that!

If a friend buys a nice bigger house, celebrate it. Don't feel a grudge because your house isn't as big. It's an exciting time for them! Look around at what you do have and be excited, too. If a friend runs 26.2 miles, celebrate it. Don't feel a grudge because you don't run or you run less...maybe God didn't give you the heart of a runner. Embrace it. Find something else YOU enjoy and do your best at it. If a friend looks smokin' hot in a bikini, celebrate with her. Don't judge her because you don't feel comfortable in a bikini. It's great that she feels good about herself....you should want your friends to feel good about themselves. Embrace that one piece or tankini and feel good about yourself! If a friend gets to be a stay at home mom, celebrate it. Don't judge her because you have to work. They have been blessed to have that opportunity. You never know how you'll be blessed with that extra income.

The list goes on and on. We are all in different stages of life. We are meant to be who God made us to be. So just be.